I Turn My Camera On

147

I guess every girl goes through a photography phase. You know, horses… taking pictures of your feet.” – Scarlett Johannson as Charlotte in Lost in Translation.

I’m not a photographer, and I’m not good with the camera either. It’s one of those things I just don’t have the talent for.

But I do love photography.

71

I’m not great with art. I don’t know how to judge a painting, it’s all too confusing for me. I’m not really into sculptures either, unless the really obviously beautiful ones, like Michaelangelo’s David.

But I am always drawn to photography. I know how to tell if a “picture’s worth a thousand words”.

134

And ever since my writer’s block started, I suspected that I might be depressed, or stressed, or something. I can’t seem to express myself in writing, but I can express myself with images.

Lots and lots of images.

135

My mom – who is also my part-time therapist – advised me to make a collage, since she learned when she was getting her Master’s in Psychology that making collages are therapeutic.

And since I can’t actually take decent photographs (my hands tend to shake), I decided on the next best thing, grabbing photos off the internet.

136

I have to thank sites like FFFFound! and numerous photo blogs for helping me in my quest of self-healing, because through these sites, I found so many photographs that I am strangely drawn to – and after I put them together in various collages, I realize that they all have a common theme.

Gloom and doom.

103

That’s what my mom said anyway. I showed her my collages and she said, “Yep, you’re gloomy all right. Look at these photographs. You always choose these gloomy hues. Not the bright, fun ones.”

Great. So I guess I can’t write because I’m depressed.

129

I have battled depression for years and years and so far I’ve been able to manage it quite well, but every now and then – it does come back to bite me in the ass, and lately, it’s been one of those days.

So what do I do?

Well, I take some anti-depressants (fuck off, Tom Cruise!) and try to get myself back toΒ  normal.

I have to admit creating the collage does help a little. I’ve stored so many photographs in my hard drive, I think my computer’s a little tired now.

Will these collages help me write again?

234

I don’t know. I hope so.

Maybe one day I’ll make sense of them – and maybe they’ll make a great story or two.

MW2

mos-wall4

mb2

mosaic1

Maybe.

 

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140 responses to “I Turn My Camera On

  1. Good quest.
    Maybe you’ll find your sun one day.
    Maybe.

  2. There always comes a time when all seem mixed up, unclear… but keep ur focus. The fog of the morning is only for a while.

  3. Love the collage. In fact I am doing one for my next post. Actually you are quite good and inspirational. You are a pandora’s box of creativity. Keep on snapping – lovely photos.
    Cheers.

  4. It’s always good to turn to a different medium in search of inspiration for another.

  5. Clicking pictures allows you to express yourself… so don’t be shy and go on…

    Also, instead of making a collage, try making a slideshow and just try to absorb and take in the elements in the picture, like your surroundings… because when you clicked that pic, you wanted to be somewhere where you thought was nice, so by observing your own pictures you can get an idea of what you like…

  6. Everyone is their own worst critic. You say you don’t have a knack for photography but if you enjoy, you should do it. Everyone should do things that make them happy.

    • Yeah, maybe I’ll give a try. I have a camera lying around at home not being used… and my brother-in-law is a photographer, so I could ask him for a lesson or something. Thanks for the tip! It’s true, we are our own worst critic sometimes!

  7. Amazing πŸ™‚
    the photo’s that you’ve chosen, as well as the words!

    you turned me speechless

  8. sunshinelollipop

    I like the pic at the very top. I enjoy making collages also. Maybe try purposefully to try new collages with pictures you would never select; bright and colourful ones and see what the result is. You may find an appeal to them more and feel more of a flow when you start creating new things with them.
    http://sunshinelollipop.wordpress.com/

  9. hi, love ur picture!

  10. I love the pictures you put together, you’ve got a good eye. I just got caught in the rain here in London and was feeling a bit down. Logged on and saw your blog, its cheer me up and made my evening. I love pictures, and your blog is inspiring. Peace and love to you x

  11. I’ve never got to a doctor but sometimes I feel that I ought to for my doom and gloom days. I also use writing and anything remotely creative I can do with my hands as an outlet but sometimes it gets too much. I feel as long as you’re channeling it somehow that it will help.

  12. i love all the pictures.

    just try with photography, you never know.

    beauty sneaks up on us.

    i know how you feel with teh depression, i’m manic depressive meself deary.

    chin up, chin up, and yick anti-depressants?

    they make me sleepy 😦

    • Thank you for the suggestions. And Teenagegeek, I’m also manic depressive – or Bipolar as they call it now, as if giving it a new name makes it easier ;p I find the anti-depressants help tho. At least to keep some demons at bay. But I try not to be too dependent on them. I take very low doses… unless it gets really bad.

  13. I really love this entry. I’m not an amazing photographer but I really like to take photos. It’s taking your memories that you’re experiencing and putting it on paper. I don’t know where you’re from but I think you should take your collages to a kinkos and making yourself a poster.

  14. You do have a talent for photography! amazing pictures! how come your blonde in one picture and brunette in other?

    Oh yeah and to celebrate the opening of our blog were giving out 5 first class vouchers, To take part just tell us what your favourite dream getaway is and why? …so check out our blog http://dreamytravels.wordpress.com/ to take part in the competition

    We would be really happy to see you take part….you could take pictures with your photographic talent when you take your trip haha πŸ˜€

    Thank you,

    Dreamy Travel Team

    • Oh, those pictures are not mine – I just grabbed them from photo sites like Flickr or Ffffound ;p Sorry for the confusion! I’m really not talented in photography!

      I’ll check out your blog soon!

  15. You may think your not a good photographer or good at art but you seem to have a good eye for choosing what is really good (from the photos you have put on your post).

    I do not think I have a natural talent for design (I want to be a designer) but I have many ideas all the time and looking at inspiration and learning and experimenting is what makes you good.

    Since you already have a eye for good work I think you would be fine, if you kept trying!

    Btw I like the name ‘binky’ ^_^

    • Thank you! And you’re right looking at inspiration, learning and experimenting is what makes you good. I’ll definitely give the photography thing a try! And thanks for liking the name too, my sister gave me that nickname, it kinda stuck ;p

  16. That is SOOO cool and I really want that Swan Sweater that one chick is wearing. Ha! πŸ™‚

    http://www.theprettyproject.com

  17. I’m sorry you’re not happy-go-lucky lately. Hopefully that will improve (:

    Love the pics you chose though, they might be gloomy, but they’re still beautiful!

  18. Hi Binky,

    I’m also a frustrated writer turned to photography to get out my creative frustrations. And I actually am learning to love photography a whole lot more. I liked your post — and the photos are a great collection. Best —

  19. Great advice from mom. I am afraid the photo collages show you do have talent with the camera though.

  20. I love your imagination.
    Thanks for sharing it with us.

  21. hm strange, i thought i had already leave comment.. but i must be mistaken!

    I adore the pictures you have chosen!
    and your words just leave me speechless πŸ™‚ amazing how you say the things!

    i wish you the verry best with the collages, they are beautiful!

  22. Ohh, but what you’ve written, posted and created on this post is very artistic and creative. There’s a tres sexy feeling and mysterious something about this….
    i like.

  23. i love the pictures …

  24. I love your collages. I wish they would be a bit bigger for better looking at them. I think if you collect them they will be kind of a diary once you look back in some years. I am sure you will remember for each one win what mood you were in.
    keep posting! i dont have the impression to read a blog of a depressed person. :o)
    have a nice weekend

    http://shopadidas.wordpress.com

  25. brilliant and inspiring from one confused writer-blocked woman to another. thank u for this…

  26. As a bit of objective feedback (rather than opinionated criticism) many of these photos, as well as contemporary “youth-centric” photography in general, seem(s) rather narcissistic, unashamedly or unknowingly so.

    Many photographers formerly directed the lens outward, capturing snippets of seldom-acknowledged aspects society at large. Now, the lens is directed inward, so to speak, though not in a satisfyingly introspective manner.

    In other words, a deep reserve of social commentary is being bypassed for a more shallow construction of pseudo-identities and happenings.

    Partially, the likes of Facebook and Myspace are to blame for America’s glut of self-importance fed by low self-image and the ill-effects of immediacy in a consumer-centered culture.

    To use a colloquialism, we used to live in the moment. Now, we live to create the appearance of moments, photograph them, and hope to convince ourselves and others about candid events that were, oddly enough, contrived.

    “Look at us, because we’re afraid to grow old. We’re afraid of being nothing, becoming nothing.”

    So, yes, we turn our cameras on, and they turn us on. We love the appearance of moments more than the moments themselves. We love ourselves more than anyone else. This is the image we see after some time in the developer.

  27. Lovely.

    I too love photography and frequently blog about my camera-toting escapades. I’m also a writer. Lots in common!

  28. Hi Binky… came across your blog through the WP Freshly Pressed page. Congrats on that by the way.

    The first thing I thought of was that all those pictures you found could be tiled in such a way that when viewed from a distance, all the little pictures would create a big picture of you. So in a way it would kind of be a self portrait. Ok, maybe that’s a stretch.

    Anyway, you can do it with software called Mojodojo. It’s pretty cool. I think it only runs on a Mac though. I’m not sure if there is an equivalent for PC users.

    Here’s a link to see an example.

    And a link for the free software: Mojodojo

  29. Hi binky !
    The part about being depressed is definitely not fun. Being there myself for years and years I can certainly relate to the writer’s block (I’m a musician and cannot create a note during the worst of times). Bi-polar is no joy ride, either.

    I found a spot that helps me cope.

    http://www.daytherapy.wordpress.com

    It’s a place where you can talk to folks with similar struggles, or just rant, or just read. You might find it helpful – I did.

    There are even other resources posted sometimes – books, web sites, audio, video, etc. Alsways something different. Everyone is welcome.

    Check it out. You might just like it.

    Have a Day,
    -k

  30. I love the photos you chose. Hope the block clears soon and the clickity clack of keys fill the air.

  31. just keep taking pictures

  32. Fantastic photos.. they are great! Very creative

  33. Thank you for your comment… I answered on my blog so check it out πŸ™‚
    haha sorry I though you took the pictures… anyway they are pretty amazing and im sure with a little practice you could be good as them.

    Oh yeah and you can take part in the competition to celebrate the opening of our blog…. were giving out 5 first class vouchers, To take part just tell us what your favourite dream getaway is and why? …so check out our blog http://dreamytravels.wordpress.com/ to take part in the competition

    I hope to here from you soon….
    Thank you,

    Dreamy Travels Team

  34. I started making collages a few years ago because I, too, am a depressed and frustrated writer with no artistic talent to speak of (not saying that you are, just echoing your sentiment). I just pour a (bottomless) glass of wine and start ripping pages out of magazines I brought home from my bookstore job. I built these collages into a 11×14 journal, and every one takes me back to whatever situation I was in and trying to work out. Collage is an amazing tool, and I think you’re doing great with it. My only problem is that I don’t know what to do with the collages once their finished. I like the poster idea that someone gave you. Keep up your work…it’s inspiring!

    http://www.becomingamother.wordpress.com

  35. This is awesome. Keep trying :]

  36. best of luck finding what you are searching for…it tends to show up when least expected…

  37. i enjoy your blog and i think that if you love it so much then you should just do it. Never say you cant cause you can .

  38. Thanks for sharing, I love your writing, esp the pictures that you put up. It’s very inspiring, keep the good work!
    Oh, I’m practicing to be a good writer too πŸ˜‰ but to be honest, I’m kinda frustrated with my own “development” x(

  39. I know that feeling…writer’s block. The highs are so high and the lows can be so low. Your choices are more sentimental than gloomy, me thinks, and it’s never a bad thing to be in touch with your emotions.

    Wish I could see the collages more close up though.

    p.s. love the teeny tiny happy face on the right πŸ™‚

  40. Nice post.

  41. Your eye for good photos is quite evident – you should get a simple camera and just take pictures of what you like. Save the ones that speak to you, and publish them, encouraging criticism. You really only need to find your voice in pictures – once you’ve done that, you’ll obtain a degree of satisfaction whether anyone else likes your work or not! Best wishes, and thanks for sharing your collages – I like them a lot!

    http://danakennedy.wordpress.com
    http://oldcameras.wordpress.com

  42. These are cute.

  43. Hey.

    I just wanted to leave a line here to thank you for the insight in your mind (not only over this post).

    And also to say that I agree with DanaKennedy above.

    Cheers,
    Alex

  44. Hello!
    I think this is So right! When I’m taking photos I feel like my life is perfect. Photography is for me, the best thing eveeeer and helps me to forget about everything bad in my life.
    Visit my photography blog here and tell me what you think:
    http://haykyphotography.blogspot.com/
    And my fashion blog:
    http://hayky.wordpress.com

    XOXO

  45. depressingly fun, love the collages

  46. It is very self fulling when taking pictures of one self. It can also be alot of fun. Thanks for sharing the pictures.

  47. Oh I love the pictures. The lady in her undies was beautiful. Maybe because of the browness of the photo or the soft texture or both.

    Talk out whatever is depressing you. It might help. :] Find happiness and think happy!

  48. Some very nice pictures thanks for sharing, I take a lot of pictures of the fish I catch and i’m working on improving them.. Thanks for posting πŸ™‚

  49. …that last “maybe” just made my day, thank you! great article, great pictures πŸ™‚

  50. This is such a wonderful idea, and I as well have found the same comfort in pictures and the emotion they can pull from you is beyond explanation. I document everything in my life and save every ticket stub, brochure, etc. from my travels and make collages at the end of each year. It allows me to always reflect on and remember the wonderful things I’ve done and places I’ve seen and allow my emotions about those experiences to grow.

  51. Thank you! I like the idea of documenting everything in life, kinda like Amelie! xo

  52. I haven’t thought of making a collage in a long while …. brilliant. I want to put velcro strip up on the wall and string together images and then be able to rearrange them depending on how I feel that week or day or minute.

  53. Photography isn’t just for people who know how to take pictures. It’s a way of life. Can you imagine a life without photographs? Personal or otherwise, the world wouldn’t be the same. Instead of looking through hundreds of images we’d have them only in our memory, thus making the past more blurred. I like these pictures, but my whole life I’ve always felt that girls have a natural gift to be able to see the beauty in a wider array of things. Seeing most of my personal favourite images from around the world, about 90% of them are from females… teenage females at that. Does this prove something?

    Fantastic images… like i say, it must be something in the water

  54. What you wrote, it’s like you’re describing how I’ve been these past few years. I thought I was alone but thanks for making me feel more human…I can’t write either, because I’m depressed, but I’ve taken up photography and I love it so much. If you have a flickr account, I’d love to see more of your photos?

    • Thanks for your comment! I was kinda scared about pouring my soul out for all the world to read… but I’m glad I did! I have a Flickr account but I never use it… I’ll try to upload some pictures soon and let you know! xo

  55. nice post
    ❀

  56. I just found this blog as I was slogging through a sense of “feeling bored” – uninspired, not yet depressed, but sliding there. I have a novel to work on, blogs to update, and everything seems to have taken on this lackluster shade of grey for absolutely no reason.

    I just forced myself at least managing to get onto the blog, and saw this post up front. Just wanted to say how much I empathize, and how helpful this has been for me. And it is very theraputic to do self photo’s. I just did some, and am now getting ready to fiddle with photo-shop to write a funny post.
    Whatever smackdown works to keep depression from immobilizing your creativity, whack it with everything you’ve got.
    This stranger is pulling for you. πŸ™‚
    Best,
    Kelly

  57. Great pictures! Very beautiful the that you show the real emotion of photography. Congrats!

  58. If your hands tend to shake,use a tripod.It always helps! : ) I like this post.

  59. Hope you break the writers block.
    Very inspiring post, easy to relater to
    ❀

  60. gretchensnowphotography

    I don’t find your collage images all that gloomy. Maybe it’s a matter of perspective. And I say that with all due respect. I’ve struggled with depression in the past.

    What I do see are moments of solitude and inward reflection juxstaposed with intimate moments shared between two people. And nostalgia. The colors are muted, washed out, like an old polariod from the 70’s. Even the brightest image, typewriter on greenish-blue background, reminds me of retro kitchen appliances.

    One time when I was a teenager my mom said she thought I may be depressed because she noticed me looking at old family photos alot. Moms give the best advice! Anyway, she was right. For whatever that’s worth.

    And someone earlier said that photography takes us out of the moment instead of living in it – not a direct quote. I don’t think that’s always a bad thing. Sometimes when I pull my camera out of the bag I am forced to look at the world in a different light. I slow down, I look, I wait for something to happen – something beautiful, funny, quirky, whatever. It’s like putting on a different pair of glasses, rose-tinted or not. It’s therapuetic.

  61. Like this post. I find taking and making photos is great therapy.

    😎

  62. The Sun is always shining .. you just gotta walk towards it !
    im sure you’ll find

  63. Collages are art, too. They’re interesting because of the choice of pictures. They do say a lot about you. Just remember, you’re gonna piss someone off sooner or later if you borrow without permission.

  64. I think all of these pictures are beautiful. Even if they are gloomy/doomy. I like how you wrote this, it was wonderfully written and beautifully crafted with the pictures. I hope you can write again, its a terrible world without words. I’m a writter to so I understand the feeling where you need to write but no words can form, only feelings without meaning.
    Please come look at my blog, I’m new and trying to get more people to come see my writings. Thanks, and I truly hope you can write about these pictures.

  65. Obsession with oneself causes depression. It is called NARCISSISM and it is rampant in our society. Also bad eating habits. Go to an AA meeting and listen to other people talk about things you don’t hear on TV. Like how the world does NOT revolve around YOU. Taking antidepressants keeps you numb. I got over writer’s block AND depression by getting friends who were clean and sober through 12 step and away from my self obsessed family. I was prescribed drugs but never took em. And I am glad! Used to drink too much every few months now don’t need to at all (but can!)

  66. Nice pictures… I like your post… Keep it coming.

  67. I was having such fun reading your piece – until I came to the f-word. I cannot get past the f-word.

    I associate it with anger and ignorance and never expect that to change.

    Irreverence for sexual union if blasphemy to the enth degree. Because it is.

  68. you inspired me to start taking photos again. nice post!

  69. This is a very good post. I am like you, drawn to the camera πŸ™‚

  70. i know it must be hard living everyday as if its raining upon you, but just do things you love, like photo collages, for me its art, its like the umbrella to my rain, when i draw/paint im in my own world where nothing else seems to matter. So stick with collages, that seems to be your niche.

    http://redlinemg.net/about

  71. Pingback: Binky in her ‘Alternate Reality’ says some very important things about photography as creative connection « 1000 WAYS of celebrating the human spirit

  72. Easy peasy, just point and go CLICK!
    The good thing about digital is you can shoot as many as you wish and chuck out the duffies (just don’t chuck ’em all).

  73. wow I want to have a my own camera.
    nice body.

  74. I loved your idea. I’m in the same state you were when you started and I’m definitely in need of something new and inspirational so I quess I’m following your example. It’s silly that I didn’t think of it before because it’s actually my two favorite hobbies: photography and writing. So a combo is ideal. Thank you!!

  75. dear binky i like the blog.
    isn’t cutline a great layout. it’s great to see how people really turn it into their own.
    check out my blog and i’ll make sure to keep an eye on yours.

    also: myspace.com/eleanorseabird!!!!

    love

    eleanor

  76. Well Binky, photography is indeed a soothing way of expression. It can relax me when I am sad too.

  77. Nice article, this is soo true… 88,7% of my female friends are ‘photographers’ or at least into photography…
    Anyway, I just wanted to share with you a short promo vid of track I would like to release one day: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jYHKFw-F8rk

    Hope you like it! If you do, leave comment or rate us! We’ll be gratefull for any kind of support πŸ˜‰ cheeers!

  78. Pingback: Hello world! « Eternal Moments

    • Thank you so much everyone! I’ve been really busy shopping for furniture today I haven’t had time to check your blogs… but be patient, I’ll get there! ;p xoxo

  79. Lovely photo collages, and lovely words!

    Thanks for sharing these thoughts so honestly and openly, I do hope the clouds lift soon.

    In the meantime, keep making collages, take photos of things that inspire you, and as for the writing, I find the muse always comes back, when its ready (my last period of ‘writer’s block’ lasted nearly two years! I also had to find other outlets for my creativity).

    Take care. x

  80. The beauty of digital! Get one with lots of setting choices and just shoot lots of photos – you’ll get some great ones, your eye will guide you. My husband and I are in the same places at the same time but we see totally different things and our photos are very different. North Coast Muse @ http://sally1029.wordpress.com

  81. I’m glad you have something to keep your mind busy. I get really depressed when I can’t work on my artwork.

    I did notice a lot of pairs of things in your collage. Wonder how freudian that is?

  82. oh yeah Alexander Skarsgard is definitely dreamy!!!! I quite enjoy him very much.

    Glad you discovered the blog then……

    Cheers

  83. Getting hundreds of hits by being featured on the front page (however briefly) cheered me up a bit when it happened to me. Also, the photos are good. Keep your head up.

    madmonq

  84. Photo blogging is indeed a very drawing indulgence.
    And I hope you’d rid the despair that makes things hard for you. Some time soon πŸ™‚

  85. I really like this format you used, the photograph with thoughts, it’s a brilliant story line. I enjoyed it. I will say, that with your questions will come answers. For without the answers, there could never be a question.

  86. Love your photos.

  87. Hi! Very good blog! Nice foto!

  88. The collages are a great idea.. enjoyed the post.
    Maybe if you practiced you could take your own photographs.. never the less, the ones you posted are lovely. x

  89. I’m new to the wordpress world and I stumbled upon your work and I just have to say how impressed I am with your photography. Such a soft, nostalgic touch to the photos! Job delicately well done.

  90. great blog! when i am feeling down I do the same thing… take my slr and run out and take photos… it is so therapeutic for me!

  91. I have to say that I JUST loved your blog!!!! I’m like you – I’m not an amazing photographer, but people have told me I’m pretty good. like you, my hand tends to shake or I miss the most amazing thing I’m trying to capture lol. I want a professional camera but my boyfriend says I have to first learn how to use the nice digital one I currently have. I have to say tho – I do relate to another thing – depression. I suffered for 5 years straight. I too find writing something that helps me express myself…when I feel inclined to write etc. anyways…I’ve gone on enough here but again, loving the blog πŸ™‚

    Tasha

  92. love your photos!

  93. I’ve definitley bookmarked this blog. Started my own pic blog today out of too much sci-fi writing. This is a great creative outlet. πŸ™‚

  94. The photos say that you are struggling with the type of woman you are becoming.
    You are changing and growing and the photos are reflecting the woman you do not yet know you are becoming.
    Only your subconscious mind knows for know.
    Chill, We all grow every day of our lives, so go with the flow and good luck.
    Bankruptnooption.

  95. Indeed, there is something great about taking a picture. In particular, I like the sound and feeling of “pulling the trigger” — who cares what the pictures looks like. Sometimes, I just pick up my camera and takes picture of nothing.

  96. I’m no good at photography. I’ll stick to writing.

  97. How can i add you? ;D

  98. This gives me inspiration towards life, as well as to become a better photographer. Except, nowadays, everyone is a photographer.

  99. That’s great. I’m depressive too and I can relate so well how it makes you feel. I like photography too but music helps me to speak through everything.
    πŸ˜€ nice to read these kind of posts.

  100. i totally like your selection of pictures!

  101. Impressive article. When will I get the rest info?

    Julia Kuree
    escorts warsaw

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