I know I haven’t blogged in a while. Over two months, if I’m not mistaken, and I’m sorry about that. I moved to my new house two months ago and the internet connection here is a little sketchy – so I was too impatient to do any blogging. Not to mention, I’m still writing my new novel.
But I do need a break, so I figured I’d give this blogging thing another try. And since my internet connection is still giving my troubles, I thought I’d blog about something totally menial, so that if this doesn’t get posted for some absurd reason, I wouldn’t be too pissed. 🙂
I love making lists, as you can probably tell from my previous posts, and this week I thought I’m going to make a list of truly unimportant things, like a list of my dream jobs. Why? Because I can… and because I’m bored 🙂 So here are my list of the “Top 15 Dream Jobs of A Girl Who Dreams A Lot”, who knows maybe it’ll inspire you (though most probably it will not).
TOP 15 DREAM JOBS OF A GIRL WHO DREAMS A LOT
1. Robin Hood-type thief, who cons the rich and corrupted out of their money and gives them back to the people they robbed it from in the first place.
“I know what will make you feel better. We should steal something.” – Parker in Leverage.
Job Requirements: Ability to move like a cat, break in and out undetected, break into the most sophisticated vault/safe, lift wallets/credit cards/cell phones from just by bumping into the person, and can kick ass when need be. Oh, a heart of gold is definitely a plus.
Salary: It depends on the job, really. Most of the time you get nothing but the satisfaction of making the bad guys pay.
Benefit: Clear conscience, and that warm, gooey feeling you get after you know you’ve helped someone.
2. Ex-IRA badass chick, or, as Michael Westen puts it: a spy’s “trigger-happy ex-girlfriend.”
“Michael, you’re not going to believe the deal I got today! I am better at buying guns than I am buying shoes, and I’m really good at buying shoes.” – Fiona Glenanne, Burn Notice.
Job Requirements: Love of all things firearms, ability to build a bomb from household materials, ability to build and plant a homemade bug, ability to blow things up, must be skilled in the art of getaway driving and tailing suspects, ability to steal a car and/or blow it into the everglades, and of course ability to run, kick, punch and shoot in high heels and short skirt.
Salary: Again, it depends on the job. If you’re just helping people (or helping your on-again-off-again boyfriend), salary is very little to none at all. If you’re running guns and catching bail jumpers, however, it may earn you somewhere from $5,000 – $50,000.
Benefit: A life of excitement and the knowledge that you have a spy who loves you and will literally kill for you.
3. Female Sniper for a SWAT team in a metropolitan city.
“You don’t see lady snipers too often. That’s kind of sexy.” – Sam Braddock, Flashpoint.
Job Requirements: Must be able to perform duties such as: hostage rescue, crime suppression, riot control, perimeter security against snipers for visiting dignitaries, providing superior assault firepower in certain situations, climb up and down tall buildings, and many more, look good doing it and most importantly, know how to take out the bad guys with just one shot.
Salary: How much does a cop make a year? Not that much, but you get to be a hero on a daily basis.
Benefit: Health, dental plan and the satisfaction of putting the bad guys where they really belong.
4. Criminal Profiler, a member of FBI’s Behavioral Analysis Unit, with eidetic memory and very high IQ.
“I don’t believe that intelligence can be accurately quantified, but I do have an IQ of 187, an eidetic memory, can read 20,000 words per minute. Yes, I’m a genius.” – Spencer Reid, Criminal Minds.
Job Requirements: Ability to get inside the minds of serial killers, anticipate their next move and come up with a profile without losing your mind in the process.
Salary: Public servant salary, but you get to enjoy traveling around the country on a private (FBI) jet.
Benefit: Health, dental, psychotherapy, and the satisfaction of being able to stare at evil in the face and live through it.
5. A spy with MacGyver-like ability/a spy with a super computer in your head that allows you to master everything from tango dancing to martial arts.
“Uh, well then I think my country might have the wrong number. ‘Cause I’m just Chuck Bartowski, not a hero.” – Chuck Bartowski, Chuck.
Job Requirements: A one-of-a-kind brain that can handle being imprinted with government secrets and all sorts of cool things, or an ability to do everything from building a homemade explosive to escaping prison in Tajikistan.
Salary: It depends. If you’re still active, you get to have a cover job working a menial job in an electronics store, low pay but loads of benefits. After you’ve been burned, however, you’re going to have to get by getting odd jobs here and there, and relying on your mother.
Benefit: You’re a spy, being “an international man of mystery” is a benefit in and of itself.
6. A Vampire.
“Humans… honestly Bill, I don’t know what you see in them.” – Eric Northman, True Blood.
Job Requirements: Ability to sleep all day and work all night, must be blood-thirsty (literally), and depending on the world you live in, respect for authority is a must.
Salary: It varies. Some don’t even have to work and somehow always have money to buy fabulous clothes. Some must manage a local hangout spot for vampires and their minions. Some may even go into politics, so it really depends.
Benefit: Immortality, and plus you get to sleep all day.
7. FBI Agent handling mind-bending cases with special abilities of your own, plus a charming sidekick and a mad scientist at your disposal.
“With all due respect, Agent Harris, I have done my due diligence. I just got off the phone with my contact at the CDC. And they have seen nothing like it. But you tell me, does this look like a flu you’ve heard of? Where people’s brains come out of their ears?” – Olivia Dunham, Fringe.
Job Requirements: Must be tough as nails, not easily surprised, willing to do and believe the seemingly impossible, and have a special brain that allows you to go back and forth in two different universes.
Salary: Public servant salary, and the hours are tough.
Benefit: Well, aside from the traveling to a different universe… not that many, really.
8. Brilliant diagnostician without bedside manner.
“I tried to cure a guy with cancer by using malaria to win a $50 bet. You really wanna be more like me?” – Dr. Gregory House, House.
Job Requirements: A brilliant mind, ability to crack the toughest medical puzzle and save patients from death at the nick of time, and most importantly: possess quick wit and sharp tongue.
Salary: Pretty good, since people from all over the world want to be your patients.
Benefit: You get to torment everyone around you: your best friend, boss, subordinates, and patients.
9. Agent/analyst for CTU (Counter-Terrorist Agency), and Jack Bauer’s most trusted person/right hand woman.
“Edgar, I appreciate your concern. I really do. It’s just that when I shot that guy I thought I’d go all fetal position, but the truth is I didn’t feel anything, at all. I hope I’m not some kind of a psychopath.” – Chloe O’Brien, 24.
Job Requirements: Must be good with the computer. Scratch that, must be REALLY good with the computer, must be able to provide tactical assistance for your boss aka Jack Bauer and most importantly, must be able to work 24-hours a day, sitting in the same cubicle, wearing the same clothes, no eating or sleeping or taking a smoke break and with limited bathroom breaks.
Salary: Public servant salary, but you’ll make a ton on overtime.
Benefit: You get to save the world from various terrorist attacks in just 24 hours.
10. Member of the McKinley High Glee Club.
“Aside from nudity and the exploitation of animals, I’ll pretty much do anything to break into the business.” – Rachel Berry, Glee.
Job Requirements: You have to have an amazing voice, ability to sing and dance at the same time – and big ambition to be a star.
Salary: None, but you get to take home a big trophy after your club wins sectional/regional competition.
Benefit: You get to cozy up to the hot but sensitive quarterback, who is also a member of the Glee Club and your duet partner, and of course bragging rights when your club wins big.
11. 60s Advertising Executive or as they were called back then ‘Mad Men’.
“I never saw myself working in a place like this.” – Don Draper, Mad Men.
Job Requirements: You have to be smart, creative, manipulative, ambitious and most importantly, a heavy smoker and drinker.
Salary: Pretty good, but everything was cheaper in the 60s.
Benefit: You get to drink, smoke and have illicit affairs, all during office hours.
12. Human lie detector.
“Yeah. In my experience, self-castrating pedophiles generally tell the truth.” – Cal Lightman, Lie To Me.
Job Requirements: Intelligence, intuition, ability to read between the line, attention to details and micro-expressions, and a love for the truth.
Salary: If you’re Cal Lightman, you own your own business, so it’s pretty good – until you decide to buy your ex-wife’s share of the company… then you’ll be a little strapped for cash.
Benefit: Aside from health and dental plan, you also can not be fooled by anyone. And that’s a pretty good deal.
13. Pot-dealing suburban mom and housewife.
“If you come anywhere near my children, I’ll kill you myself.” – Nancy Botwin, Weeds.
Job Requirements: You have to be resourceful, have friends in low places and know how to weasel y our way out of any trouble.
Salary: You’re basically a businesswoman, so you make good money.
Benefit: Aside from the money and all that free pot, there really isn’t that many benefits to this job. And plus, your life will always be in some kind of danger.
14. TV Writer/Showrunner.
“Hey, nerds! Who’s got two thumbs, speaks limited French, and hasn’t cried once today? This moi.” – Liz Lemon, 30 Rock.
Job Requirements: Must be smart, funny, and able to manage a team of weirdo, misfits and crazies.
Salary: Pretty good, after all, you’re a Head Writer/show-runner.
Benefit: Health, dental and even a book deal and your own show once you’ve somehow managed to come up with a catchphrase.
15. High-powered executive with no moral center.
“Saddle up, Linda! And say goodbye to common sense.” – Veronica Palmer, Better Off Ted.
Job Requirements: Must be smart, ambitious, ruthless and able to intimidate everyone with your hair always in place.
Salary: Pretty great, after all, you’re a Department Head.
Benefit: Health, dental, weaponized pumpkins, to name a few.
What’s your dream job? Is it in the list? 🙂
DISCLAIMER: The above post is for entertainment purposes only and should not be taken seriously. Author is in no way advising anyone who happens to read this to try a life of crime and/or vampirism. Author is also not endorsing various (fictional) companies and government agencies depicted in the post.