It’s almost the new year, which means I am a little slow with these countdowns, aren’t I? I think it’s the whole 12 days thing. I’m not going to be finished with the whole twelve days until January, but I guess that’s okay. Starting the new year with making a list is something I would do. We’ve reach day nine of the 12 days of Christmas countdown and today is still all about movies. I’ve listed my top 10 movies, top 10 screen scorchers and top 10 fabulous ladies, so now it’s time for the top 10 worst movies. And considering 2010 is a crappy movie year, it was hard to narrow down the list to just 10. But alas, here they are:
My Top 10 Worst Movies of 2010
1/ Sex And The City 2, written and directed by Michael Patrick King.
When Michael Patrick King and the SATC girls were asked by the studio to do a sequel of the first Sex and The City movie because it was unexpectedly successful, I think they all turned to each other, rolled their eyes and said, “Okay fine, let’s take the money, do the movie but make it so terrible that the franchise is not only dead, but cremated and had its ashes spread all over the sea.” And it happened. SATC2 is in fact so horrible that it not only alienated the critics, but also its loyal Cosmo-drinking, Manolo Blahnik (now Christian Louboutin)-wearing fan base. Forget the racism accusation, the movie is just plain bad. Carrie became an irritating, spoiled little rich girl, Samantha became a pathetic, sex-crazed middle age woman, and both Charlotte and Miranda became exhausted, old mothers in the sequel, and none of us wants to see them that way. The only good thing about the movie is the fact that it’s so bad, we’ll be spared from another sequel for at least three to four years.
2/ Eat Pray Love, directed by Ryan Murphy; screenplay by Ryan Murphy and Jennifer Salt.
I’m not really a fan of Elizabeth Gilbert’s memoir “Eat Pray Love” to begin with, so it’s not like I saw the movie with the expectation to fall in love with it, but still. I expected more from Ryan Murphy. He created Glee, for god’s sakes, and Glee is awesome. Would he have fared better if he adapted Eat Pray Love into a musical instead? The “pray” chapter in India would probably a lot more bearable. From the get-go, we can’t really sympathize with the heroine Liz Gilbert because her problems just sound so self-indulgent for some reason. Half-way through the movie I wanted to pull a Cher in Moonstruck, slapping her on the face and yell, “Snap out of it!”. Actually, if someone had done that to Ms Gilbert in the movie, it would probably be a lot more interesting to watch. Julia Roberts, pick better projects next time.
3/ The Last Airbender, written and directed by M. Night Shyamalan.
If there’s one thing I wish for 2011, it’s for M. Night Shyamalan to stop making movies. I mean, SERIOUSLY. I have nothing against the guy, I just have something against the different versions of crap he decided to put out, year after year after year. Dude, we get it, you were the shit after The Sixth Sense, I loved that movie, but everything else that you created after that masterpiece falls into the crap category. And the same goes for The Last Airbender. Sure, it’s not as bad as say, The Happening, but it’s not Sixth Sense either. And I’m being nice here considering other critics have said that this movie makes Dragonball Evolution look like a masterpiece. Ouch, that’s gotta sting a little.
4/ The Back Up Plan, directed by Alan Poul; screenplay by Kate Angelo.
There was a time when Jennifer Lopez could be taken seriously as an actress. You know, somewhere between that US Marshal movie she did with George Clooney and Gigli. I guess when she saw that her ex Ben Affleck is being taken seriously again in Hollywood, after directing the critically-acclaimed Gone Baby Gone, she wanted to stage a movie career comeback too. And she figured a rom-com might just do the trick since she fared quite well in that genre in the past. WRONG. Even with the gorgeous Alex O’Loughin as her leading man, this movie sucked even harder than Maid In Manhattan (remember that movie? No? Exactly), it felt like an insult to our intelligence as moviegoers. I hope this American Idol gig works out for J-Lo, because for the sake of my sanity, she should stay far, far away from the silver screen.
5/ Letters To Juliet, directed by Gary Winick; screenplay by Jose Rivera and Tim Sullivan.
Speaking of romantic comedies that blatantly insult our intelligence, what is it with rom-com writers (and directors) and their lazy, formulaic approach? I mean, sure, there are always predictable elements in any romantic comedy. The happy ending, kissing in the rain, we all understand that. But it doesn’t mean that the whole movie has to be predictable and follow a certain formula, like in the case of our number 5 movie. Let’s see, girl with self-absorbed fiance go on a trip to Italy. Self-absorbed fiance ignored girl. Girl meets a group of eccentric ladies. Girl finds a 50-year-old love letter and sets out to reunite said lovers, with the help of one of the lovers’ grandson. Girl is irritated by grandson. Girl falls in love with grandson. Girl goes back to New York and breaks up with fiance to end up together with grandson. The end. Arrgghh. No. No. NO. Try harder. Be better. Don’t force this crap down our throats.
6/ When In Rome, directed by Mark Steven Johnson; screenplay by Mark Steven Johnson, David Diamond and David Weissman.
2010 produced a lot of crap movies, but the romantic comedy genre has more crap released this year than any other. I find it a little sad, since I grew up watching romantic comedies. I’ve always had a soft-spot for the genre. And let’s face it, when you’re PMSing and a little depressed, there’s no better cure than curling on the couch watching rom-coms while indulging on a tub of Ben&Jerry’s. And movies like When In Rome, as well as our #4 and #5, felt like a spit in the face of Meg Ryan circa 1990s. Kristen Bell is petite, blonde and adorable like Ryan but she had zero chemistry with Fergie’s husband Josh Duhamel. And the story is laughable, even a little sexist in my opinion. Nora Ephron, instead of writing books about aging, how bout you teach a seminar on writing good rom-coms instead?
7/ Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps, directed by Oliver Stone, screenplay by Allan Loeb and Stephen Schiff.
Oh Oliver Stone, how hath the mighty fallen. You were the king back in the 80s, with movies like Platoon and the original Wall Street. In this millennium, you actually gave us Alexander and this horrible sequel. What the hell happened, man? Wall Street was good, I saw it when I was still a kid and didn’t even understand what “Wall Street” was, and yet I liked it. But this sequel is just disappointing. I’d rather watch Alexander again, at least I managed to stay awake the whole time.
8/ Grown Ups, directed by Dennis Dugan; screenplay by Adam Sandler and Fred Wolf.
Adam Sandler is the most powerful man in Hollywood. Why? Because he got the studio to fork up US$80 million for him to go on a vacation with his buddies, turn their vacation videos into a film, and made people pay money to see it. If that’s not the smartest, and most powerful man in Hollywood, I don’t know who is. Look, I’m not expecting a genius script considering that it is an Adam Sandler family comedy with his buddies Rob Schneider, David Spade and Kevin James starring alongside him but this movie is, ironically enough, a joke. Oh and to further prove how powerful Sandler is, he actually got Salma Hayek to play his wife in this movie. Brava, Mr. Sandler, brava.
9/ Killers, directed by Robert Luketic; screenplay by Bob DeRosa and Ted Griffin.
Remember back in 2008 when Katherine Heigl withdrew from the Emmy running because she “did not feel she was given the material that season [of Grey’s Anatomy] to warrant a nomination”? Yeah, well if she were all about artistic integrity and quality material, I wonder why she signed on to this project (and really, any other project she has been attached to lately). Because this action comedy with Ashton Kutcher is just plain bad. And surprisingly enough, Kutcher isn’t the one to blame. He was actually quite convincing as a CIA assassin (guess those Muy Thai lessons are good for something other than the apocalypse) though I still expected him to say, “Dude, where’s my car?”. And Heigl wasn’t that bad either. What’s really bad is the writing; silly premise with an even sillier ending, making us feel like Hollywood really thinks we’re just a bunch of idiots they can rip off whenever they feel like it. And since this movie tanked in the box office, I think Heigl is now wishing she had been a tad more humble back in her “glory Grey’s days”.
10/ The Tourist, directed by Florian Henckel Von Donnersmarck; screenplay by Florian Henckel Von Donnersmarck, Christopher McQuarrie and Julian Fellowes.
In retrospect, this movie probably doesn’t deserve to be in “the worst” list considering there are many others of even shittier quality that I’ve left out, like Amy Adams’ silly rom-com Leap Year, for example, or Jennifer Aniston’s eye-rolling action comedy The Bounty Hunter, or even Miley Cyrus’ The Last Song. But for those movies I mentioned above, you already expected them to be bad even before you saw the trailers, or at least suspected it. Not so The Tourist. I mean, how can it be bad? It’s adapted from a French film, it stars Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp, both powerhouses in their own right, and it was shot in beautiful Europe. Wrong. Jolie’s performance was so underwhelming critics actually compared her to a wax figurine. And Depp, well there’s that dead beaver thing. Sure, it’s nominated for The Golden Globes, but then again so was Burlesque. And Red. And Piper Perabo. In conclusion, The Tourist may not be “Leap Year” bad, but for the fact that it got all our hopes up, only to shatter them into a million pieces upon watching, it gets the cozy number 10 spot. Congrats, guys!
And that’s my list of the Top 10 Worst Movies of 2010. Will 2011 be better for the world of movies? Well, considering that the studios are planning a remake of 21 Jump Street, a remake of 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea, and The Haunted Mansion, another movie based on a Disney ride, your guess is as good as mine. Let’s just hope for the best for now, okay? 🙂
Check back in tomorrow, for the New Year’s Eve special I’ll be counting down My Top 10 Glee Performances of 2010, with videos, so we can welcome 2011 with a song in our hearts.